A Golfer’s Lament.


Remember all those Bits ‘n’ Pieces that floated about  the Branch / Department network, the source of which nobody knew? Well, here’s one:

A Golfer’s Lament.

Golf is a game made by God for Man
Man thinks he’s got it right without a “higher” plan
But stand back and listen as they hit, miss and plod
Cries for intervention sound – Oh God, Oh God. Oh God!!

What have we done wrong – we practice such a lot,
Hail rain and pestilence – they matter not a jot,
Out in all elements, soaked through to the skin
Who needs a diet –  frustration keeps us thin.

We all watch videos and  read so many books,
Helpful advice everywhere one looks
Seve tells us what to do, Leadbetter what we shouldn’t
Nobody tells its OK for them, and maybe we just couldn’t.

Manufacturers say their clubs will work amazing wonders
Our game improve, our shots go straight and no more silly blunders
We buy the clubs – costing a fortune – and hope we’ll be unique
What they don’t ask us –  how good is our technique?

Golfaholism that’s what we’ve got, it really is a  sickness
My friends advise me every day to measure my brain’s thickness
Who’s stupid?  This is great it’s snowing but I’m ready
I’ll see my G.P. some other day, my Bronchitis may hold steady

It’s been super being with you, enjoyment full and brimming
I’ll see you on the Fairways, although the days are dimming,
You’ll recognise me in the dark, though you may think it’s a scandal
A miner’s lamp fixed to my ‘hat’ and everlasting candle

Dinner was great, conversation ultra stimulating
Prizes were fun, the suspense quite titillating
Golfaholics we’re not, it’s all the wrong impression
But sorry folks I’ll have to dash, I’ve got a midnight lesson.

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